


Colours

by lord_of_cats



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Humanstuck, M/M, Rape/Non-Con Mentioned, Sadstuck, Suicide mention, graphic description of a corpse, it gets weird and cringy towards the end, so much sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 09:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6797902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_of_cats/pseuds/lord_of_cats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert and you've always longed to meet your soulmate. So when you meet him, you're ecstatic! But...it turns out you're not his soulmate. Sucks to be you, huh?</p><p>Your name is Dave Strider and you've always dreaded meeting your soulmate. Bro told you that they're bad and uncool and will break your heart. So when you meet your soulmate, you lie, saying he isn't the one.</p><p>A tale of two boys as they live their lives, growing friendships and growing up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colours

Your name is John Egbert, and you are super-duper excited right now.  
First things first, before you tell us the reason why you’re excited, you have to introduce yourself properly, just like dad taught you to.

Your name is Johnathan James Egbert, and you are six years old. You love pranks, just like your sister Jane, Dad and Nanna before you. You aspire to be a comedian one day, and practise your material in front of the mirror every night. Although it’s really cheesy, you can’t wait to meet your soulmate. The idea of your dull, black, white and grey world bursting into one with colour fills you with a strange feeling of joy and wonder. One of your best friends Rose is also fascinated by the prospect of soulmates, but she warns you that your soulmate…may not see you as a soulmate. But you reckon she’s just trying to upset you-she’s kinda grim like that.

John, why are you excited?  
Well, you’re excited because the Egbert household is about to get new neighbours of course!

That particular house is pretty much directly runs parallel to yours. Your bedroom window looks into the other houses bedroom window.  
The previous tenants were very loud, always pumping up their music to full volume. They always had fun looking parties, which Dad said I couldn’t go to. I tried to make friends with the young guy who lived in the bedroom opposite mine, but he just laughed and blew dank smelling smoke in my face.  
During one aforementioned party, the young guy brought in a barely awake girl and proceeded to take both their clothes off and jump on her whilst she screamed no and he screamed yes.  
When I told Dad and Jane, they both looked really angry, and I thought they were angry at me for snooping. But then Jane started crying and enveloped me in a hug while Dad left and called the police.  
The tenants had been taken away by the police officers. Two of them took me aside and asked me questions while Jane held onto my hand very, very tightly.  
When you told Rose and Jade (your other best friend), Jade suggested ‘maybe they were dancing, and it was too cool for those policemen, so they had to come and arrest you them?’ Rose just looked sad. When I asked her about it later, Rose said the girl was raped. I don’t know what rape is, but the way Rose said it made me think it was bad.

Anyway, back to present.

There are three of them-all pale and wearing weird pointy anime glasses. The first was young, but old, maybe in his early thirties? That’s what Jane said anyway. The second was around Jane’s age (16) and was lugging a large box out of the moving van. But the third boy was the one that interested me the most. He looked to be around my age, and was sitting on the hood of the moving van sipping a juice box while his brothers (I think?) did all the work.  
I giggled to myself about that boy. I was staring at our new neighbours through the slightly open front door.   
Unfortunately for me, my giggles must’ve been pretty loud, and they attracted the attention of the white-haired boy on the hood of the car. Despite wearing shades, I could feel his piercing gaze fall upon me. I squeaked in surprise and shut the door with a SLAM!!! I turned around in a panic, ready to abort mission-spy-on-the-neighbours, but I bumped into a pair of dark grey legs.

“Hoo hoo hoo! Careful there John! You nearly knocked over the plate of cookies I’m taking to our new neighbours!” Jane’s voice chuckled from above me.  
“W-whoops! Sorry Janey…” I pouted at her, showing her my best puppy dog eyes and tugging out my lower lip.  
She rolled her (unusually bright) whitish grey eyes behind her oval shaped glasses. “It’s fine John, just be more careful next time ok?”  
I nodded vigorously (I learnt that word from Rose) to convey my understanding.   
“I saw you spying on them. Do you want to meet them too?” Jane asked, shooting me a kindly buck-toothed smile.  
I gasped in excitement and rushed ahead, jumping up to open the door for Jane. She laughed, following me outside.  
As we walked over the new neighbours, they stared at us curiously, and I began to lose face. I slowed my charge and fell behind Jane, hiding behind her legs. She came to a stop, waving at the two youngest neighbours (the oldest had gone inside upon seeing us).  
“Helloooo there neighbours! I brought cookies~” Jane called out.  
I poked my head out from behind Jane’s leg curiously. My eyes met the gaze of the younger brother and I waved shyly at him, he seemed a little shocked but returned my wave with a smirk.   
The older brother strode over, arms folded.   
“You’re offering us cookies to welcome us to the neighbourhood? How mundane.” He drawled out.  
“Well excuuuuuuuuse me Mister Being-A-Nice-Person-Is-Lame.” Jane set the plate on the fence and squared up to the boy in front of her. He looked a little shocked at that.  
The younger boy hopped off the hood of the moving van and made his way towards us.  
“Well unlike my bro, I never turn down free food.” His voice was rather authoritive, but with a (very deeply) hidden childishness. He reached his hand out and grabbed one of Jane’s specialty choc chip cookies.   
Gathering up my courage, I stepped out from behind Jane’s leg and towards the boy.

“Umm…hi?”  
The boy looked at me, mouth full of cookies. “Sup” He drawled out, spraying cookie crumbs all over me.  
“Ewwww! That’s gross!” I whined, rubbing my face with my palm.  
“Nah, you’re gross” The boy replied, sticking out his tongue, spraying me with more crumbs.  
I scrunched up my face at him, poking my tongue out at him in return.  
“Now that’s fucking gross.”   
I gasped in shock, putting a hand over my mouth. “That’s naughty language…”  
“Yeah well I’m a bad boy.” The kid pouted at me, fixing up his hoodie cooly and winking at me through his shades. Unfortunately for him, it was at that moment when a bit of cookie went down the wrong way, and he started choking.  
“Oh my God, you dork! Are you ok?” I reached out to pat his back, and, as he tried to brush me away, our fingers touched.

That was when it happened.

Around me, the world burst into colour. My familiar world of blacks, greys and whites transformed into one of bright, swirling colour.   
I gasped in wonder, twirling around to marvel at it all.  
“Woah!” I managed to get out. “Do you see all this colour?”  
But the words that came next…those were the words that would haunt me for the rest of my life.  
In a straight and steady voice, the boy answered. 

“What colours?”

Your name is Dave Strider and you are kinda freaking out right now.  
How about instead of facing your problems, you tell us a little bit about yourself?  
Well sure, if the fine reader wishes to know more about you.

Your name is David Elizabeth Strider, and you’re six years old.  
You, just like your two older brothers before you, absolutely (ironically) love irony and throwing down some sick beats. You have a totally ironic love of apple juice, and a developing love of photography (you’re only six, but your bro Dirk made you a special camera with his crazy robot-making skillz.) You and your brothers just moved all the way from hot ass Texas to rainy Washington. If you’re honest, you are dreading meeting your soulmate. All your life, your Bro has told you soulmates are bad, they’ll break your heart and tear away your soul.   
All soulmates do is cause pain.

Nevermind, all that introduction, because your problem is currently spinning around like the cutie he is.  
When he touched you, your safe and familiar world of blacks, whites and greys dissolved into one of bright, screaming colour.  
A little bit of joy wormed into your chest, but it was quickly stamped out by bitter disgust. 

This…idiot…couldn’t be your soulmate. He was short and fat, with black hair and skin the colour of the earth. His clothes were a mismatched mess that probably would’ve made a fashionista cry and possibly commit suicide. Blue eyes were hidden behind glasses that reflected my open-mouthed expression of shock.  
With a snap, I closed my jaw.  
Bro’s words echoed in my mind. ‘Soulmates are bad lil man. They’ll ruin your life with expectations. They’ll tear down your walls. Every one’ll expect you to love them straight away. You don’t want one lil man. Trust me on this.’  
So I said the first words that came to my mouth, the one that Bro drilled into my mind.  
“What colours?”

The boy looked devastated, and his older sister quickly picked up her brother, smothering him in a bone-crushing hug.  
Dirk, sensing my discomfort at this situation through some weird, ironic, brotherly telepathic thing, picked me up.  
“Uhh…we have to go…y’know, help move and stuff? So um…see you ‘round?” he waved a hand as he walked back to our new house.  
“Oh and um…thanks for the cookies.” He called over his shoulders.

But I was too numb to notice. I was in a kind of trance that I only broke from when Bro shook me out of it.  
“Lil man, lil man! I heard the news.”  
All I could do was stare at him blankly.  
“Now lil man, we’re gonna pretend this never happened ok? He isn’t your soulmate, he’s just the weird neighbour, got it?”  
I paused for a minute before nodding at him. He stood up and looked from me to Dirk.  
“This will be a secret between the three of us .We tell no one. Understood?”  
The three of us nodded in unison, forming a pact.

I would regret never telling John until the day I died and my world was bleak and colourless once more.

Your name is John Egbert and, after a talk with Jane, you’re feeling a little better about this situation.  
Jane sat you down and explained that sometimes, someone is your soulmate, but you aren’t theirs. I told her that, no matter what, I would try and be his friend, and support him through thick and thin.  
She teared up a little at that.

After that talk, I proceeded to drag her up the stairs and grab our copy of the “Colour Guide for Recent Soulmates.”  
Grinning and laughing all the way, I plonked it down on my bed and opened it up. Flicking through the pages, I began comparing the colours. Jane watched in amusement as I matched our eye colours as ‘cyan’ and ‘blue’ and our skin tone as ‘chocolate’.  
After a while, I realised that Jane couldn’t see colour yet, and flushed in my embarrassment. Jane just chuckled in amusement and ruffled my hair. She wished me luck and promised to come back with a freshly baked cake. I wrinkled my nose up, but let her go.

I settled back down to read the guide, completely immersed in its vivid colour. I was so caught up in it that Jane had to yell my name out multiple times to get my attention.  
“I’m coming!” I yelled back.  
Abandoning the book on my bed, I shot a glance at the room opposite mine.  
I could see Dave (Jane told me their names. She learnt them from Dirk, the older one whilst they were having their conversation.) pacing around his empty room with a broken katana in his right hand. I coughed a little to get his attention. He shrieked in surprise, dropping his sword to the floor in shock.  
I giggled at him and waved sheepishly.  
He scowled and marched over to the window, slamming it shut and drawing the curtains.  
My smile faded and my hand wavered in the air.   
“John! Come on! I made chocolate cake!” Jane’s voice echoed through the house.  
I tore my eyes away from the closed red curtains. “I’m coming Janey!”

Your name is Dave Strider and you are so sick of this nerd following you around.  
Honestly, it’s been several months now, and he still insists on being friends with you.  
He often hangs out of his own window and blabs on about random things while you’re training with your shitty sword. He follows you around in school and drags you to awkward lunches with his two weird friends. He passes notes to you in class with ink the colour of his eyes.  
You say you find it annoying, but honestly, you don’t.  
You find it pretty endearing actually.

Right now, it’s one of these times. He’s half hanging out of his window and telling terrible jokes that make your ironic little heart leap in joy.  
Not that you’d admit it.

You aim a glancing blow at the training dummy in front of you, and John gasps in astonishment.   
You grin to yourself and aim another blow at the dummy, but, in your excitement, you miss.  
“Wow! I could’ve sword you’d hit that one!” John chirped happily.  
I shot him an annoyed look and he grinned back at me.  
“You wanna watch a movie?” The first time he asked that, I was a little shocked, and just slammed the window shut on his grinning face.  
I sighed in annoyance, setting down my sword on the bed beside me. I turned to face him.  
“If I do, will you never ask again?”  
John just gave me his signature buck-toothed grin. “Can’t make promises.” He winked.  
I sighed and walked over to the window. Pulling it open wider, I stepped through, breezing over the gap and stepped into John’s room.  
Immediately, my eyes were assaulted by the various arrays of colours on the wall. John had enlisted the help of his Dad and sister to paint his bedroom in an atrocious array of bright colours.   
You thought it was a horrible, yet endearing sentiment.  
John sat you down on his (very comfy) bed and asked you to wait while he gets the movie and snacks.  
The movie turn out to be pretty shitty, and you made fun of it the entire time, while pigging out on junk food. John didn’t seem to mind, he even made fun of it with me.  
After the movie finished…I stayed with John. We spent the entire day together, eating food and playing some video games.  
I knew Bro would be mad, but I didn’t care.  
He was funny, and sweet and pretty cute too.  
All too soon it was night, and you slipped back through to your window, declining John’s dad’s offer of dinner.  
You thought…maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be friends with him.

Your name is John Egbert and you are nine years old. You just found out your best friend of three years and soulmate of forever Dave Strider is being bullied.  
He won’t admit it, but you can tell.

Especially since you heard Jack and his cronies talking about destroying and embarrassing Dave in the upcoming Talent Show.

So, you enlisted the help of your 19 year old sister to get them back, big time.  
Unfortunately, she’s busy with work, so you have to do it yourself. Well…no, you don’t. Rose and Jade found out pretty quickly about your plan, and insisted they help.  
Currently, Jade is distracting Dave backstage while Rose and you are on opposite sides of the support beam above the stage, sitting next to several buckets of paint, glitter, confetti, plastic flowers and your homemade slime. You are pulling faces at each other while Feferi Piexes does her strange ‘cuttlefish dance’ below the two of you.  
You’re waiting for Jack and his gang to come on stage for their performance.

Everyone has to do one. Dave is going to rap. Rose and Jade are doing a dance routine together, a weird-yet awesome-mash up of ballet and hip hop. You did your comedy routine (which Rose, Dave, Jade and Jane helped you out with).

Below you, Feferi finishes her dance with a weird scream and raises her chubby little arms. Another scream, just like Feferi’s, rings through the hall. Feferi’s older sister Meenah stands up applauding loudly. Soon after, everyone else joined in. Feferi giggles and bows, running off stage.  
Next up was Jack and his crew. Rose and you shared devious grins, picking up bubblegum pink buckets of paint, ready to tip them, but then-  
“What the fuck are you two doing?” Dave’s voice whisper-shouted across the platform.  
Rose and I both turned to look at him, feigning our best innocent looks.  
Jade hid behind Dave, looking miserable. “Sorry guys, he got it out of me…”

Dave marched over to me angrily.   
“John, I can handle it by myself.”  
“Yeah, just like you handled it by yourself ever since you came here.”  
“Shut up! I dealt with it just fine.”  
“Whatever, Mr-I’m-Too-Cool-For Friends, this’ll be fun.”   
He scowled and grabbed the handle of the bucket and attempted to take it from my hands. I tugged back, pouting. Unfortunately for both of us, at our combined tugging, the bucket flew out of our hand and dumped the bubblegum pink paint all over us.   
I wiped the paint from my eyes and laughed a little hysterically at Dave. He glared at me.

With a paint covered hand, I reached into the glitter bucket and threw a handful on him. He blinked in shock, before regaining his composure and dumping the bucket of fake flowers over my head.

“Paint fight!” screamed Jade as she dumped a bucket of apple-green paint over Rose’s head.

We then proceeded to have the best (and messiest) paint fight ever. Unfortunately, our whoops of joy attracted some…unwanted attention.  
“What is going on here!?” Yelled an authoritive voice. With a shriek of surprise, I threw a bucket of sunshine yellow paint all over the school principal.

Your name is Dave Strider and currently you can’t tell whether or not you hate your three best friends.

The four of you are currently sitting outside the principal’s office while your guardians have a good talk to the principal.  
Jade has tear tracks down her bright orange cheeks, despite being the one to initiate the paint fight.  
Rose is sitting stoically, staring at the trophy wall in front of us, lavender eyes screwed up in thought.  
John is chuckling nervously, wringing his hands together.

A yell and a loud bang was heard from the office and you flinched.  
You tried to act like you were unphased by the bang, but John, who was pressed against you could probably feel your trembling.  
Without a word, he slipped his hand into your own, smearing blue paint with red.

Somehow, your weirdass guardians got you off scot-free. Maybe the principal was too intimidated by them? I mean a drunk, fashionable scientist, a cake-loving, fedora-wearing maniac, a crazy old man brandishing a shot gun and your creepy shaded, puppet-loving older brother would intimidate any conservative school principal. You think.

Later that night, Bro took all four of you out for ice cream.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are eleven years old. You…might’ve slipped up in a strife this morning. You tried to hide it from John when you hung out today, but he found out.  
Currently, it’s dark and raining outside and generally pretty miserable out. Luckily for you, you’re inside, on your bed and huddled in blankets while John tends to your wounds and complain and whine about it.

“Shhh Dave! Stop complaining! It’s hard to focus when you keep whining!” John hissed at me and I pouted.  
“But Joooooooohn~ It huuuurts~”   
He glared and (gently) slapped a hand over my mouth. “Dave! Stop moving as well!”  
In protest, I went rigid, refusing to even breathe.  
“Uuuugh! You are so lame.” John groaned in frustration, tying the final knot. “There! I’m done. Get lots of rest, and eat healthy.”   
Gently, he pushed me down into my bed, taking off my rad anime shades and tucking me in bed, chuckling softly as I gasped for the air I so desperately needed after holding my breath for so long.  
Just before he leant out my window, he turned to look at me, a fierce and steely look in his eyes. “Oh and Dave? Next time you get hurt, tell me. You have to promise me.”  
I nodded sleepily. “I promise” I sighed, closing my eyes.

I heard the sound of John leaving and snuggled down deeper under the covers. I was about to go to sleep when-  
“Dave?”  
“Yeah bro?”  
“My windows locked, I can’t get in.”  
I sighed and extended a pale hand above the covers, grabbing John’s hand and tugging him out the window, towards my bed.  
“Well then Egderp, all aboard the train to Strider Sleep Town.”  
“…What?”  
“Get in bed. Let’s take the locked window as a sign to have a sleepover.”  
“Um…ok…” Came the nervous reply.

I felt the bed dip down and a warm, plump body settle beside me. The bed was small, and we didn’t have enough room to stretch out, so we had to snuggle a bit. Not that I minded, John was like a living, snoring heater-cushion.

Sleeping together quickly became a nightly thing. It helped us sleep better, chased away nightmares and was just…pleasant. It was also very easy to get to each other’s beds, considering the fact Dadbert built a tunnel between our rooms and our windows were always open.

Your name is John Egbert and you are twelve years old. Today is December 3rd, namely Dave’s thirteenth birthday. Jade already turned thirteen, and tomorrow Rose will be thirteen. You…feel a little left out. All your friends’ birthdays are grouped together, so, to celebrate, you’re having a massive four day sleepover. 

On the first of December, you slept over at Jade’s. You gave her some pumpkin seeds for her garden and a sweet t-shirt you knew she’d love. Rose got her some gardening books and some plushie eldritch abominations. Dave gave her a potted Jade plant that was painted Jade green (something he asked me to help with) because it was ‘ironic’.  
You spent the night playing around with Jade’s Squiddles and in her garden, while avoiding her brother, Jake and Grandpa Harley. Her dog, Becquerel stayed with you all the entire time.

On the second of December, it was your turn, despite it not being your birthday. You had a Nic Cage movie marathon (much to your friends displeasure) and watched in disgust as they ate Jane and Dad’s cake. Jade and Rose found out that Dave and I had been sleeping in the same bed pretty much every night for two years. Dave seemed pretty embarrassed, and so was I. But luckily for us, Jade and Rose found it adorable and made no comment.

On the third of December, we slept over at Dave’s house. Rose gave Dave a magazine that…looked suspiciously like porn. My suspicions were confirmed when he blushed and promptly shoved it under his bed, refusing to show us. Jade gave him a re-mastered smuppet, complete with googly eyes, a dashing moustache, a fedora and multiple sequins on its plush rump.  
I waited until after dinner (ramen pizza) to give my gift. I handed him a small rectangular box with a note. He read the note and looked at me in surprise before opening up the box. Hands a blur, he replaced his old pointy shades with the new ones I got him.   
He twirled on the spot.  
“How do I look?”  
“Like a huge dork.”

The next day, on the fourth of December, it was Rose’s turn. It was fairly awkward, as she had this weird, passive-aggressive war going on with her Mum and sister, Roxy. Her house was covered in wizard statues and the marks of her war with her family and I realised why she never invited us to her house.  
After Dave had finished laughing at the 52 foot tall wizard in the Lalonde living room, we headed up to Rose’s room and stayed there for the rest of the sleepover.  
I gave her some knitting needles and a few balls of yarn to get her started. To my delight, she spent the night attempting to learn to knit and make a laptop cosy. Dave gave her a tentacle porn magazine. I had a feeling he stole it from underneath Dirk’s bed, but I didn’t really want to know. Jade had made Rose a parody of Rose’s beloved Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious. It included eldritch spaghetti monsters and monster eating plants with tentacles. She asked for my help with the colours.

Later that night, I stared up at the ceiling. As Dave snored away in my ear while squashing me, Jade clutched Bec (she brought her dog with her everywhere, our houses were no expection) and kicked my side in her sleep and Rose snored daintily on the bed above us, I realised how much I loved my friends. I realised the lengths I would hypothetically go to keep them safe and the lengths they would hypothetically go for me.  
I loved Dave. Of course I did! He was my soulmate and my best friend. Although he was an asshole, I loved him anyway. My love for Rose and Jade was entirely platonic. I knew Jade would always stand up for me with a smile on her face and I knew Rose has my back (just like I have hers.)  
I grinned at the ceiling.  
I wanted to stay like this, just hanging with my best friends forever.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are fifteen years old. Right now, your right arm is being crushed by a sleeping nerd.  
But you ain’t moving.

You can’t sleep, so know is totally the time for your sexually repressed teenage mind to mill on thoughts of your best bro (and soulmate). Right while he’s snoring next to you.

Well, let’s get this over with.

In the deep, deep parts of your mind, you’ve always thought John was pretty attractive. The whole blue eyes, tousled black hair look really brought out the boyish charm in him. He had always been chubby, ever since the first time you saw him, peering through the gap at you in his front door. His dark skin was the real (chocolate) icing on the cake (he would hate you for comparing you to cake.) It was a beautiful shade of brown, like a blend of Rose’s favourite black coffee and milk chocolate. If you squinted at his cheeks, you can just make out a scattering of freckles. They’re not absol-fucking-lutely everywhere like mine, but they’re there.

You frown.   
Let’s not think about how hot your best friend/soulmate is when they’re sleeping on you.  
How about you think about your friendship with him over these nine years?

Sure. Why not.  
If you’re honest with yourself…John is honestly the best bro you could ever ask for.  
He’s always there for you, ready to support you through your assholey endeavours. Whenever you slip up in a Strife, he’s there with a bandaid. He’ll always stand up for me, whatever you do.  
Like all of your fourteenth year during your…um…scene phase…  
Sure, he laughed at you, but he sat by you when you blasted your shitty music, dyed your hair red, white and black and wore leather miniskirts to school.  
Oh god…bringing that up gives you the cringes.

You…think you might be in love with John.

But you can’t be. Love is bad, especially with soulmates.  
But it’s too late. You…think you loved him way before the two of you met in this life. Before all the lives before that. Before you were inanimate objects made of the same atoms over and over. You’ll love him forever.

Bro always told you soulmates will break your heart but…you don’t think you’d mind if John broke your heart.

Your name is John Egbert, and you’re eighteen years old. The four of you just graduated high school.  
You should be ecstatic but…you’re not. The four of you are perusing different things, different courses which will lead you to different parts of the world. Rose is perusing psychology, and that will send her away to a fancy college in Europe. Jade is studying robotics and engineering, which will send her to a prestigious academy in Japan. Dave is studying art and music, which will send him all the way back to Texas. You? Well…you’re staying behind. A few years ago, Jade introduced you to YouTube. You, just for shits and gigs made an account to test your comedy skills. It took off, and now you’re a fully-fledged YouTuber with subs in the high millions.  
So you’re staying here while your friends leave you behind.

You feel terrified that they’re going to leave you, for some weird reason. You think it’s just paranoia, because you’ve spent your entire life with them and you don’t want them to leave. But, you have to let them go.

They all assured you they won’t leave you behind or forget about you. You cemented that by setting up Skype for everyone, and dictated a time for you all to have group chats.

But…you couldn’t help feel, as the four of you posed with your arms over each other’s shoulders (and Dave and your hands were clutched tightly together) that this was the last time you’d be like this in a long while.

Your name is John Egbert and you are twenty-one years old. You are currently waiting with bated breath at the airport for a plane to arrive.  
This plane will be carrying your three best friends who are on spring break or something. You can’t wait to see them again.

The plane is late actually, leaving you to sit and fuss, ignoring the weird looks white people shoot you. You’re sipping on coffee when a teenage girl comes up to you, staring suspiciously.

“Um…hi? Can I help you?” I asked her.  
She had long brown hair twisted into a braid and doey brown eyes. An assortment of freckles lined her pale cheeks. When I addressed her she squeaked in surprise and flushed a deep pink.  
“I-I well, you kinda…remind me of…a…” Her words trailed off.  
“A YouTuber? Called ectoBiologist?” I finished her sentence.  
She gave out a loud scream of joy that nearly deafened me.  
“Oh. My. God. I am your biggest fan. I-I love your stuff! I am such a big fan of all your jokes.” She gushed out.  
“Hee hee, well I am pretty funny if I do say so myself. I love meeting fans, and it’s so nice some people like my work. Do you work on anything Miss?”  
“Elle. My name is Elle. And um…I don’t really…I’m not a comedian you see…But your work really helped me through a tough time! My uh…my soulmate isn’t my soulmate back…” She wiped her eyes. “I got fairly depressed and…well your comedy helped me out…”  
I held out my arms for a hug and she practically fell into them, sobbing and apologising all at once.  
“Hey. I know a thing or two about having a soulmate who isn’t your soulmate back. The best you can do is be there for them ok? Trust me on this. Remember, somebody out there loves you, ok? I know it hurts, but you can be strong. You have to be.”  
She pulled away, smiling. “Thanks. And um…before I go, could we maybe take a selfie?”  
I nodded. “Sure.”  
As she fumbled with her phone, I glanced around the airport. A few people were giving us weird looks, and I could only imagine what was going through their conservative minds.  
“Ummm…smile for the camera!”  
I turned and grinned, putting ‘bunny ears’ behind Elle’s head.  
Elle checked it before waving goodbye to me. I wished her luck.

“Wow. Egbert’s getting popular with the ladies.” A low drawling voice sounded from behind me.  
I spun around in excitement, nearly falling over.  
“Dave!?!” I yelled in excitement and jumping on him for a hug, knocking us both down to the sticky arrival lounge floor.  
“Ooff- jegus Egderp, what are you doing? Trying ta kill me?”  
“Yep! I’ll kill you with snuggles.” I squeezed him tighter.  
He laughed at that, but then quickly shoved me off and got back up. “Alright Egnerd that’s enough.”  
Unfazed, I turned my attention to Rose and Jade. Jade beat me to it in the hug department, squeezing the breath out of my lungs. Rose gave me a kiss on the cheek, purposely smearing her black lipstick over it. I rubbed it off with Dave’s shirt sleeve while Rose smirked, lavender eyes glimmering with amusement.  
Laughing, we all made our way to Dad’s car, just glad to have each other’s company again.

Your name is John Egbert and you are twenty-three years old. You are currently doing a Q and A live-stream session with your best friend.  
After graduating college, Dave decided it would be totally ironic if he made shitty webcomics online instead of setting up and studio and making works of art.  
He gained quite a bunch of followers (thanks to your shout outs) with ‘Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff’, and, after gaining popularity with your own fans, set up his own YouTube channel.  
He’s even begun to write a new, even shittier webcomic called ‘homestuck’, which he based off of himself and his friends. (If you’re honest, you think it’s terrible and won’t take off at all, but there is no way you’re saying that to him. Rose and Jade already have.)  
The two of you moved into a cosy little apartment together.  
But you are so, so proud of him.

“tipsyGnostic asks; what is your favourite colour, and why.”

Oh boy.  
By now, pretty much all of your fans know Dave is your soulmate.  
And oh boy do they ship the two of you.  
Trust me, you don’t want to see the fanart or read the fanfiction. (But you do, you curl up and read every single fanwork you can get your hands on underneath the covers whilst Dave snores away.)

“Ummm…” You ponder for a moment, but you already know the answer. “My favourite colour is red. I love it because it reminds me of fire, and bravery and metal clashing against metal. It reminds me of a hidden warmth, and comfort. It reminds me of the sunset, shining and beautiful against the pale blue sky. It reminds me of apples, especially apple juice. It reminds me of falling to sleep listening to the sounds of ‘sick ass beats’” I flushed and looked at Dave’s shocked (((red))) eyes. I opened my mouth to say something along the lines of ‘It reminds me of you’ but you stop yourself, because Dave is talking.

“Well my favourite colour is blue. It reminds me of peace and water and serenity. It reminds me of shitty jokes, and kindness. It reminds me of ten years of cuddles and sleeping together. It reminds me of-“  
But you cut Dave off. “You can see colour?”

He blinked in surprise, and I got the irrational fear he actually wasn’t going to tell me.   
“Umm…yes…”  
You feel like shit, you always knew this day would come. Dave would find his soulmate and suddenly you’re out of the picture. You feel hopeless, but you shoot him a smile. “Well folks, we got a situation here! Dave’s gotta find his soulmate.”  
He opened his mouth to object, but you covered it with your hand. “Shhh Dave! No objections! We’ll help you find your soulmate-trust us, ok?” I ruffled his hair affectionately before bolting away. I totally wasn’t going to hide in my room and cry. Nope, not at all.  
I was in such a rush to go, I missed what Dave said next. But the fans didn’t.  
‘But I already found mine, on a sunny Tuesday seventeen years ago’.

Your name is Dave Strider and you fucked up-big time.  
Her name is Terezi Pyrope and she is short, with pale skin and teal green eyes and bright red hair. She’s blind and loves to ‘taste the new colours >:)’. According to John, she is your soulmate, but Terezi and you know she’s not.  
Terezi is nice enough, albeit majorly weird.

But…you lied to John.  
You’ve lied to him your entire life though, what’s new?

John seems pretty miserable, especially since the fans keep insisting he’s your soulmate.

You can tell he hates Terezi, but he keeps his mouth shut, because he wants you to be happy.  
You’re not.

After he saw the fans bashing Terezi, he asked them to stop in a video…and to stop shipping the two of you and insisting he’s your soulmate.  
They don’t stop, but they tone it down a lot.

You and John don’t sleep in the same bed anymore. Your bed is freezing without him, and coated in your guilt.  
You wish you could’ve just manned up and told him.

But you didn’t, so you’re stuck with this.

Your name is John Egbert and you are twenty-four years old. Your dad just died.  
You’re currently knocking on the door of the one person you can trust to help you through this.

Terezi opens the door, clad only in a teal coloured lacy bra and undies.  
“Ooooooooh! Helloooooooo Mr Blueberry! What are you doing up at this late hour?” Her voice, high pitched and cynical, grates itself into your mind.  
“Um, hi Terezi, is Dave there?”  
She pouted, staring blindly at me with blank, unseeing eyes. “Awwwwwwww too bad, he’s all tired out from our fun session!” she made no attempt to hide the fact they just had (very loud, very kinky sounding) sex.  
“But I need-“  
“Like I said, all tired out. Come back later, or never, ok?”  
“But-“  
The door was slammed in my face, hitting my nose.

Dejected, I trudged back to my own room, rubbing my sore nose.  
Ever since Terezi appeared in our lives, Dave had been…distant. You hardly ever saw him anymore. He even missed your 24th birthday party!  
It hurt.  
You smash your face into the pillows and begun to cry.

Dad meant a lot to you. He was so supportive, even when he didn’t agree with your ideas. He always left little notes telling how proud he was of both of you. He made so much cake it hurt. Jane loved it but you? Not so much.  
Dad died of lung cancer.  
Turns out all those pipes were bad for him after all.  
Heh.  
Guess one of the things that made him fatherly took him away from his kids in the end.   
How ironic.  
(Dave would’ve loved that.)

You’re broken out of your moping by the ‘ping’ of a Skype notification on your computer.  
You consider not answering it, but decide against it once you see the screen name.  
Instead, you take your sweet time plodding over to accept the notification.

Once you do however, you’re greeted with bright lavender eyes brimming with thick black eye-makeup and pity. Unusually, Rose’s makeup…isn’t perfect. It looks rushed and messy, with smudges and mascara tear-tracks. Coupled with her red-rimmed eyes, you gather that she’d been crying.

“I heard the news. I’m so sorry John.”

Rose’s Mum had a thing going on with my Dad for a while, ever since we were around sixteen or so. They were just about to get married too, so you bet anything that Rose has to deal with a really, really drunk Ms Lalonde right now.

I give her a sad smile. “Yeah…I am too.”  
“It isn’t your fault. You know that, right?”  
“I know…but I can’t help but think…if I’d done something…”  
“I’m sorry, but there isn’t anything you could’ve done.”   
I sighed, nodding my agreement. “I know, but I can’t help but feel…if I’d been there more for him instead of gallivanting around the other side of the world…he wouldn’t be dead.”  
Rose nodded thoughtfully, bringing out a notepad and pen. “And how does that make you feel?”  
“Rose? Are you trying to psycho-analyse me?” Rose had become quite the psychiatrist, even writing large and complicated books on the subject. As well as wizard books.  
“Do you mind?” she asked, arching an eyebrow at me.  
“Well…not really…”  
“Excellent! Let’s begin this psycho-analysation session!”

Rose became my unofficial therapist after that.

Your name is John Egbert, and you are twenty five years old. You are currently riding in the passenger seat of Dave’s shitty pick-up truck as the two of you are travelling down a country road. The two of us are traveling to Jade’s weird mansion tower for a surprise visit.  
It’s dark out, and you’re peering outside the window, face squished against the glass as you watch trees whizz by the car. The sun is setting and stars are appearing in the sky. You’re feeling pretty sleepy, but you can’t fall asleep. Because Dave is driving, and you have to keep him awake.

“Do you think, when we eat food, the food feels us eating it?”  
“John I said keep me awake for the car trip, not for the rest of my life. I want to sleep at night John.”  
I laughed at him. “Sorry to keep you woke.”  
“Nah it’s cool. I like to stay woke. But like, extending that theory, what about juice? I mean, you blend fruit in like, a blender. Is it still alive when you drink it? Can food die? What about shit? I mean, it’s still technically a food, right? Does shit feel as it’s pushed out of your asshole and flushed away into the sewerage system?” 

I tuned out Dave’s rambling, figuring he could keep himself ‘woke’.

He’d been acting pretty weird lately, especially since he broke up with Terezi. He told you that he just…wasn’t cut out for it. You wonder what he meant.  
But…deep down, you’re kind of glad they broke up.  
But you’re never admitting that.

You look back at Dave. He’s still rambling about food and shit and sentience. Smiling, you let yourself just…imagine what it would be like if…  
No. You…shouldn’t think of that.

You turn to look out of the windshield, just in time to see another car hurtling towards the pick-up truck.  
“DAVE WATCH OUT!” You manage to scream before the car smashes straight into your side of the truck.  
In an instant, everything goes black.

Your name is Dave Strider and something is very, very wrong.  
Because, for the first time since you were six, your world is black and white.

Everything hurts, but you don’t care.  
Because if you turn to your right, you’ll see something much, much worse than the shrapnel impaled in your body and a few broken limbs.

You know what you’ll see, but you look anyway.

Oh…oh god…John’s dead.  
His neck is bent at an awkward angle and he is covered in a dark red substance. His stomach has been ripped open by a huge chuck of broken glass and you can see a few dark grey lumps spilling from his stomach.  
The stench of blood is so thick in the air, you’re choking on it.

You can’t help it, you throw up a light grey vomit all over John’s dead face.

You turn away. You don’t want to see him anymore. You’re crying, hard and silently.

You know screaming out his name won’t bring him back, but you do it anyway.

You know your bro would disown you for showing your emotions, but you don’t give a fuck.

You hear sirens, and, a little while later, feel yourself being pried out of the truck.

But, you don’t feel anything.  
You’re numb. 

Your name is Dave Strider and you’re twenty-six years old. You’re all alone.

It’s been exactly a year since John died, and you’re standing in front of his grave, holding a bunch of flowers.

The paramedics said he died instantly, which you’re grateful for. At least he didn’t suffer. You sued the drunk drivers for all they’re worth. You’re rich, but so, so lonely.

You don’t do YouTube anymore. It just reminds you of John. You…told your fans in your last video that you wouldn’t be making any more videos and…that John was your soulmate.  
They didn’t take it well, but you deserve every bit of hate mail you get. Rose said you don’t and it’s really unhealthy for to think that, but you say fuck her.

You sit on the soft grass besides John’s grave, wishing more than anything he was alive beside you.

“Umm…hi John…” You begin. “Did I ever tell you how much love you? No…I never got a chance to…did I? Well, you were my soulmate. I never told you because I was scared and guilty and emotionally constipated. I was terrified that you’d find out I was lying to you your whole life and then you would leave me. I was scared of what Bro would think. I was guilty about lying to you. I-I…”  
You trailed off, staring up at the grey sky and trying not to cry.  
“Heh. I never was good with emotions, was I?”

You place the flowers in front of his gravestone, planting a kiss on the cool marble as you got up to leave.

“Goodbye John…I guess…I’ll see you soon.”  
You turn and leave, walking amongst the dull, grey gravestones and grey trees and grey flowers and grey everything.  
You go back home (but it’s not home anymore, he’s not there anymore). After pain and blood and water and the deep, dark cold, you’re finally free.

You meet John and together, the two of you dance among the stars.  
You’re finally happy after a year of loneliness.

**Author's Note:**

> Yep. Ohh boy this is a sad one.  
> I literally can't write happy things :(  
> Ah well, hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
